The phrase koma azimayi aise makes rounds all the time. The connotation is that women are trouble shooters—systems beyond redemption. They are blamed for prolonging arguments, harbouring grudges, provoking situations or picking fights; manipulators and schemers who know how to get away with atrocities. Women are demonised, especially in relationships or marriage set-ups, typical Delilahs (Judges 16). Actually, they are deemed to have the longest memories, especially negative ones.
Most men have been married for years, some more than once, apparently still looking for the ‘one’. They will blame one woman from another, finding fault with all, but themselves. I wonder what drives these men to continue searching among the very womenfolk they seem to fail to live with. Others have sired children with multiple women or desire the company of a beautiful woman by their side to functions to boost their egos. Yet the narrative about women remains dark.
But if women are that bad, why do men desire children, even looking for a particular type to give them a desired seed. Why do we still hear wedding bells ringing all the time if women are demons? Men fight all the time for women. Many flirt with the so-called ‘difficult’ gender. They even ‘snatch’ each other’s women at some point, for what? Just to condemn them in the long run?
This narrative should stop unless every man decides to go solo. Nobody is perfect, including women. Almost everyone wants to complain about them, when deep down their hearts they know they cannot live without women.
Those memes about daughters in-law being at loggerheads with mother in law should also look at the other gender. Some men, too, cannot stand their mothers in-laws, but the trumpet will be blown out for a woman’s deeds. Those other memes portraying a woman as selfish, miser, incapable of love, attention seeker or spoilt brat must equally involve men who fit in similar shoes. Trust me, there are wimps of men worse than women are stereo typed.
I have a theory. Nobody really talks about dead wood. The fruit trees that bear sweet, delicious and healthy products are perpetually thrown at. It is for purposes of bringing the fruit down as a delicacy. This is exactly what women are, delicacies. These men definitely cannot live without women. And the majority that complain about them have their own flaws which they hide by blame shifting. Some cannot take proper care of the women; hence, deem them as burdens.
Azibambo aise! Allow women to also expound on this. You will be shocked at some of the revelations that would come out. There are issues women swallow silently such as the bed wetters they call husbands. There are stingy men, those who do not want to interact with their families and those who demand rituals for certain activities in the home. Women are being abused just for asking for children’s schools fees or ndiwo. Amasanduka azibambo because of anger. There are those who deprive families of food and necessities just because the breadwinner is not amused at something. Women persevere and keep such secrets to protect the institution of marriage. Mutisamale!
So, to complain about each other is an act in futility. We definitely cannot live without each other. Men need women and vice versa. Let’s tolerate each other and get used to all the ideas, bad and good.
